Nothing compares to a relaxed drive on the highways of Tamil Nadu, despite their notorious reputation for poor road design and undisciplined drivers. My fingers tap rhythmically on the steering wheel as I enjoy Illayaraja music on Kodaikanal FM. As I travel from Bangalore to Kodaikanal, I switch between my favorite radio stations across the route. When I reach the districts of Karur and Dindigul, I switch to this station, which brings back memories of my hometown, or rather, my childhood jungle.

It has been a tiring drive since the afternoon, with my calf muscle begging for a break. Although a hot water massage may be necessary for relief, the excitement of returning to my hometown in the hills overrides any discomfort. My mother is pleased with the rainfall this year, hoping for a successful harvest season. Potatoes are a common crop in the area, but she favors rice, which is not typical for the Kurinji – the hilly terrain of Sangam Tamil Landscape. She works with nature to cultivate a flat surface for farming in one of the villages of Kodaikanal.

It is not about the immense nature wealth and season that binds to be to that soil. It is my surrounding. The life is not colourful and tasteful without appuchi-s, aachi-s, maman-s and machan-s, the bhoomiputra-s! After migrating to Bangalore, I am slowly disconnecting from this root. My rational mind believes, while my emotions disagree with it. My emotions are like Hem in Who Moved My Cheese – resist to change! I took the Dindigul route as it is dark already. After deviating from Sempatti, I was on the ghat roads towards my heaven on the peak!

It’s not just the wealth of nature and seasons that ties me to that land, but it’s my community. Life isn’t as colorful or enjoyable without appuchi-s, aachi-s, maman-s and machan-s, the bhoomiputra-s! After moving to Bangalore, I’ve gradually started to lose touch with my roots. My logical mind understands this, but my emotions are like Hem in “Who Moved My Cheese,” and they resist to change.

I took the Dindigul route because it was already dark. After deviating from Sempatti, I was on the winding mountain roads, heading towards my paradise on the peak! My headlight was too weak for the dense forests covering the single godforsaken road that crosscut into the jungle. I just crossed pandimuni temple. I would be able to reach my destination in thirty minutes. For a long time, I have not seen any humans after entering into ghat road. This darkness is making me to feel uncomfortable.

As I approached Chettiyar Thottam, considered by locals as the gateway to our cluster of villages, I spotted a mesmerizing display of fireflies. I slowly brought my vehicle to a stop and turned off the engine, in awe of the sight before me. The farm fields were ablaze with countless flickering yellow lights, a scene more beautiful than anything I had ever seen on Instagram. It was as if a flock of flamingos were flying across the horizon. The world truly holds many wonders beyond what we see on social media.

I restarted the engine and drove down the road carefully, trying not to interrupt my thoughts. As I turned left, my headlights illuminated a skinny man wearing a dirty lungi and vest. I was momentarily startled, as I didn’t expect anyone to be there. But then I recognized him as Chakarai Mama, who used to work in Chettiyar Thottam. I pulled over near him, and he was engrossed in his phone. Slowly, he lifted his gaze to acknowledge me as I stopped nearby.

“Who?.. ” he asked..

“Its me, mama. Kumaran”

“Hey.. Mapla. Kumara.. When you came here”. He coughed to clear his throat before speaking, as his voice was hoarse.

“Just on my way, mama. That’s ok. What are you doing at this time here?”

“Evening shift for electricity. I came to switch on the motor.”

His eyes went back to his cell phone multiple times before he responded me.

“What’s this mama? fireflies.. huh? So many of them”

“Yes, mapla. winter season is over la. I used to see a few. But it is too many, this year.. hah.”

“It is so rare, mama. I never saw like this”

“Indeed.. hah. But they are super hunters, mapla. See how glamourous they are. But they can snails too.”

“Really ah.”

“What did you think then? They have a poisonous sting. It can paralyze snails, earth worms, even some beetles within minutes. Just consume like a sarakku!”

He murmured. Yet, he couldn’t resist to look into his mobile.

“What’s there in that phone, mama? Girl friend ah..”

“Rummy, mapla. You know what? We can play in phone. “

“Oh.. Mama, you didn’t leave this habit ah.. So many times I told you.”

“Its so easy mapla.. can earn money, buy land, tractor, power tiller.. anything.. I can even call Devi, back”

“Just stop it mama. You never won in rummy, even when playing with your friends with cards. You started playing in online. ah.. Just shut up and don’t lose any more money, hear it?”

“Mapla.. just one time la. Do you have a sum of 5000? Can do Google Pay? I’ll give back in the morning. Sure thing”

He was in a possessed state.

“This is nonsense. This is what I have. Take it. Finish it and come tomorrow morning. Don’t forget to switch off the motor.”. I handed him a bottle of KingFisher beer, then lifted my own glass and restarted the engine.

“Mapla. Mapla… Hey…” Chakarai mama was pleading. I gestured with an X sign and pressed down on the accelerator pedal.

It was 9:15 PM when I arrived at home. My mother was already prepared with hot Idiyappam and coconut milk. I eagerly dug in, savoring the flavor of the soaked rice strings. While I ate, I engaged in conversation to pass the time.

“I met Chakarai mama on the way. He still drinks, doesn’t he?”

I kept the fact that I gave him a beer bottle to myself and didn’t mention it to them.

“What? Chakarai? Where?” My father’s gaze shifted from my mother to me as he put down his spoon and stopped eating. My mother’s eyebrows furrowed in surprise, while I raised my eyebrows in confusion.

“Why? near Chettiyar thottam, on the road side bridge, near the motor room”

“Eswara. Who asked you drive at odd timing and stop at strange places?” She took the vibhuti-bowl and applied in my forehead.

“What? What happened”

“HE died two days ago. “

“What???”

“He committed suicide..”

“Sh**”. I spell bound and I felt like I was being pushed down on the downhill.

“Is it..?”

“Yes, he was unwavering and addicted to seetu (cards). This addiction ultimately led to his downfall, you know. He lost everything, including his wife, who left him, and his land, which he sold to fund his addiction. In the end, he took his own life by consuming pesticide and locking himself in the motor room. It appears that his soul has not found peace yet.”

I couldn’t eat any more.

“Addiction is like light. People like him are its preys.” My father said.

A firefly was flying outside my window.

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